I just finished a thought provoking book on intimacy called the 7 levels of intimacy. IT brings up many aspects of connection and true intimacy I have never been able to concretely put into words or thoughts. Many times we confuse intimacy as something that is mostly physical. In fact, the opposite is true.
What I do know is the desire to be seen, known, loved and accepted and acknowledged is deep within the core of us all. The ironic part is it first must start with ourselves and how we see ourselves.
Self-love, looking with-in (no matter if we like what we see at first or second or 335th look) and feeling/accepting what is there is the beginning of having an intimate relationship with self. This is where all other relationships are tethered onto – your relationship with yourself. If you are not honest with yourself, how can you be fully intimate and authentic with someone else.
A new aspect for me is really thinking of acceptance and some of what I have pushed away about myself. Everything is a continuum – love is NOT expressed in a finite portion and neither is self-love (Both are expansive and growing).
I am becoming aware that self-acceptance is also on a similar continuum. How many of us have things we stuff-deep down because we don’t know what to do with the thoughts, emotions, feelings in the moments they come up? Or that we don’t like about ourselves, we judge by we making it “wrong” and bury it?
Recently I have worked with a feminine-energy therapist (not sure what else to call her), and one of the greatest things she is teaching me is to REALLY look and honor what is PRESENT in me right now. Then be with it, and ask it questions. Previous to her allowing space for these questions…many times I just keep pushing most of these thoughts away. Maybe I honored them for a day and then didn’t know what else to do so pushed them back down.
Trouble with this technique is the light will always illuminate the darkness once we let more light in, we will continue to illuminate what needs to be brought to the light. Whether we are wanting to “deal” with it now or not.
I like to think of myself as quite aware of my thoughts (most of the time) and to be really honest the more AWARE I have become of my inner and outer the world the more is there to find out and accept and work on being aware too. Basically, the more I am aware of my NON-awareness (try thinking about that lol). And guess what — we are always changing which is why this process is never done.
So today, breathe. Find a quiet moment. What can you accept or just allow to be “there” today that needs to have some of your attention? Hint – its usually the thing you don’t have time for, the thoughts you push out of you head. Sit with them, ask them what they are trying to show you. If nothing else, just breathe with them.